


philautia

by bluejayblueskies



Series: Aspec Archives Week [1]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: (also very minorly), (and some non-canon ones as well!), (but probably not in the way you think!), (very minorly), Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Aromantic Character, Aspec Archives Week, Canon Asexual Character, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Statement Fic (The Magnus Archives), implied/referenced arophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 20:29:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28694736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluejayblueskies/pseuds/bluejayblueskies
Summary: SASHARight. So, according to Tim, I’m supposed to be recording a statement on, quote, my “most swashbucklingest experience as an esteemed member of the LGBT community.” He left this recorder on my desk andstole my scone.Timothy Stoker, I willnotforget that.---Statements of members of the archival staff at the Magnus Institute, London, regarding certain facets of their aspec identities. Statements compiled by Timothy Stoker on 10th June, 2016. For personal use only.
Relationships: (minorly) - Relationship, (past), Martin Blackwood & Sasha James & Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist & Tim Stoker, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Sasha James/Tim Stoker
Series: Aspec Archives Week [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2103339
Comments: 14
Kudos: 102
Collections: Aspec Archives Week





	philautia

**Author's Note:**

> _philautia: n. a love based on deep connection to one’s well-being and built upon a love for one’s self; a centered wholeness_
> 
> Written for prompt 1 of Aspec Archives Week - pride, stories!
> 
> Content warnings in end notes (expanding on the tags)
> 
> The aspec identities explored in this fic are aromantic Sasha, asexual Jon, asexual (sex-favorable) Tim, and gray-aro Martin

[CLICK]

MARTIN

—really don’t think this is necessary—

TIM

Aaaaand we’re recording!

MARTIN

( _exasperated) Tim._

TIM

Oh, come on Martin, it’s more fun this way!

[MARTIN MAKES A NOISE OF DISAGREEMENT]

TIM

You _cannot_ look me in the eye and tell me that this doesn’t appeal to your, and I quote, “retro aesthetic.”

MARTIN

_(reluctantly)_ It… might.

TIM

See! So it’s perfect!

…

[HE SIGHS]

Obviously you don’t have to if you don’t want to, Martin. I just thought it might be nice—to have something to look back on when we’re all old and sick of each other, you know? Here, I can go first.

MARTIN

Tim, you don’t have to—

TIM

_(overlapping, adopting the ‘Archivist’ voice)_ Statement of Timothy Stoker, regarding the first time he went to Pride with his brother, Danny. June 10th, 2016.

_(cheekily)_ Statement begins.

TIM (STATEMENT)

_(in his normal voice)_ I realized I was into blokes too when I was 15, you know. Think it took me a while because of the whole ace thing, though _that_ took me until I was in uni to really figure out. I was still fine with sex, you know, always enjoyed it when it came up, just… never really wanted it with anyone in particular. So I suppose I’d assumed for a while that the things I was feeling toward other guys weren’t romantic because I never had the sexual parts to go along with them. _(with wry humor)_ Almost ruined a few relationships that way, actually.

But I’m getting a bit off-topic. Can’t be one of those rambling statement givers Jon hates. God, I can see his face now, that thing he does with his nose—Martin, you know the one, the- the way it looks like he’s just smelled something really, really rank.

MARTIN

I thought you said you weren’t going to ramble.

TIM

Cheeky, cheeky. Okay, where was I. Right.

TIM (STATEMENT)

Mom and Dad weren’t real big on the whole _bi_ thing, so the first time I got the chance to go to Pride was in uni. The first time I got the chance to go with _Danny_ was after he turned 18 and got his first modeling gig. At least, I think he was already modeling back then. Point is, we were both out of the house, and Danny had been dying to go to Pride with me ever since I sent him pictures of me and Sasha eating an entire box of rainbow-colored donuts that first year. I’d figured out I was ace by then, but it had been pretty recent, so when we got there, I found one of the vendors selling those big flags you drape over your shoulders and got an ace one. Felt a bit weird having the ace flag instead of the bi one like the other years, but I _had_ worn that pink, blue, and purple button-down Sasha got me for Christmas once, so overall, it felt all right.

And Danny—god, he loved it. Pretty sure he ate his weight in fried food that day.

[HE LAUGHS]

Almost got the aro flag he’d borrowed from Sasha dirty, actually, when he—

_(quickly changes course)_ Ah, nothing! Sasha, if you’re listening to this, absolutely nothing happened to your flag, and I definitely did not have it laundered before I returned it to you.

TIM

Aaaaand that’s it! Statement ends, I guess.

See—easy! _(a bit more seriously)_ But really—you don’t have to record one if you don’t want to, Martin.

MARTIN

…

No, I- I want to.

TIM

Are you sure? I don’t want you to do that thing where you just do something because you think someone else wants you to.

MARTIN

I do not—!

…

Okay, okay, fine. Point taken. But yeah, I- I’m sure.

[RUSTLING AS THE TAPE RECORDER IS PASSED FROM TIM TO MARTIN]

MARTIN

_(with an audible smile)_ Statement of, er, Martin Blackwood. Regarding… a crush. No, no, wait— _god,_ that sounds so _juvenile._ Regarding himself, and a person who- er, someone whom he—

[HE SIGHS]

Fine. Regarding a crush. Statement given June 10th, 2016.

Statement begins.

MARTIN (STATEMENT)

I’m always a little embarrassed to tell people that I’ve never dated anyone before? Okay, a- a _lot_ embarrassed, actually. I try not to bring it up, but people will say things like, _oh, you know how it is to shop for a partner_ or _meeting her parents is definitely nerve-wracking_ —which is wrong on, er, _two_ accounts, actually—and then I feel more awkward _not_ telling them that I don’t know, actually, because I’ve never been in a relationship longer than a week or so. Then, they’ll get all sympathetic, like it’s some- some _tragedy_ that I’m not involved with someone, and that’s _worse,_ because then they’ll offer to set me up with people, or say that they don’t understand _why_ I’m single because I’m a catch or whatever, and I have to give them some excuse about _not interested at the moment._

It’s not that, not really. Dates with strangers, they- they just never work out for me.

I think I fall somewhere on the aromantic spectrum? I didn’t think about it much until Sasha mentioned it once over drinks—I think you were there, Tim, although you were _(laughs)_ _very_ drunk by that point. I told her I hadn’t had a crush on anyone since sixth form, and she threw around a bunch of terms. I- I honestly don’t really remember, it was kind of overwhelming and _(laughs)_ I was also pretty drunk as well. But yeah, it… it sounds about right.

_(hesitantly, as if bracing himself for impact)_ So… this person. Who I, er. Recently, that is, who I…

[HE CLEARS HIS THROAT]

It’s really strange, that’s all. And a- a _lot._ I— _heh—_ I don’t really know what to do about it.

MARTIN

…

Uh, statement ends? I guess? I, uh, don’t really have anything else to say. _(jokingly)_ It’s not like there’s any, er, follow-up or whatever. _(to Tim)_ Was- was that okay?

TIM

_(audibly smiling)_ Yup! Most excellent, Marto. _(more seriously)_ You felt okay, right?

MARTIN

_(huh)_ Yeah. Yeah, I- I did. A bit nice, actually. _(quickly)_ As- as long as this stays in the archives, though. It… it _is_ staying in the archives, right?

TIM

Oh, definitely. Right next to the section on love potions, I think.

MARTIN

_Tim!_

TIM

_(laughs)_ Yes, Martin, it’s staying in the archives. Pinkie promise. Just you, me, Sasha, and Jon. _(in the tone of a man who knows a great secret and wants nothing more than to share it)_ Speaking of Jon—

MARTIN

_(quickly)_ Uh, recording ends!

TIM

_(undeterred)_ —is he the—?

[CLICK]

* * *

[CLICK]

SASHA

Right. So, according to Tim, I’m supposed to be recording a statement on, quote, my “most swashbucklingest experience as an esteemed member of the LGBT community.” He left this recorder on my desk and _stole my scone._ Timothy Stoker, I will _not_ forget that. It was _white chocolate raspberry,_ and I’m stealing the money it cost out of your wallet.

…

Anyway.

[SHE CLEARS HER THROAT]

Statement of Sasha James, given 10th June 2016. Subject of statement is… hmm. Let’s say… _(laughs)_ A brief relationship with one Timothy Stoker.

Statement begins.

SASHA (STATEMENT)

Tim, I know you’re listening to this, and I just want to preface this by saying that _yes,_ it was Italian that we had for dinner that night, _not_ Greek. You’re thinking of a different friendship-turned-hookup-turned-awkward-aftermath-turned-friendship.

[SHE LAUGHS QUIETLY]

Anyway, I guess the best place to begin with this whole thing is by saying that I’ve known I was aro since I was 16 and that I’ve never been very good at talking about it. I’ve ended plenty of tried and failed relationships with the _it’s-not-you-it’s-me_ talk because I didn’t know how to explain that I just… wasn’t interested in romance.

I wanted to explain it to you beforehand, Tim, I really, really did. We’ve had this conversation, I know I know—I won’t rehash it over tape.

[SHE SIGHS]

But the important thing is that I like you so, _so_ much, and—god, this is stupid—I guess maybe I thought that it wouldn’t matter with you? That you could like me romantically and I could like you platonically and it would be _fine._ Like I said, stupid, but you asked me out to that Italian place— _yes,_ Italian, for god’s sake, I had the chicken parm and you had some sort of lasagna abomination—and I just… couldn’t say no. And it was nice, really. I had a lot of fun.

And then we slept together. And… that was really nice. But then, the next morning, the… the guilt set in. Because I felt the same as I always had about you—which is to say that I _loved_ you, just not in the same way you loved me—and I became convinced that I’d gone and ruined the whole thing.

Ignoring you for a week was probably not the correct response. _(quieter)_ Yeah, definitely not my finest moment. But I’d gotten it in my head that the moment I told you that I didn’t feel that way about you and that I would _never_ feel that way about you—or about _anyone_ —you’d hate me. And you don’t have to say that you’d never hate me—I know you wouldn’t. I think I knew it then, too. But fear is a powerful thing.

…

Anyway, you know how it all turned out. You finally dragged me out to coffee and I finally told you why I’d been avoiding you and it was really, _really_ awkward for about a month after that and then it just… wasn’t anymore. _(audibly smiling)_ And you’re still my best friend, Tim. Even if you did steal my scone.

[THE SOUND OF PAPERS RUSTLING AND A CHAIR ROLLING BACKWARD]

Recording ends.

[CLICK]

* * *

[CLICK]

ARCHIVIST

Statement of Kyle Henning, regarding a strange mushroom he found growing in his garden. Original statement given April 15th, 2011. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.

Statement begi—

[DOOR OPENS]

TIM

Hey boss! Got a moment?

ARCHIVIST

_(irritated)_ Tim, _please_ at least knock when the door to my office is closed. I was just about to record a statement.

TIM

_(unbothered)_ So if you were _about_ to, that means you’re not recording one right now, which means you _do_ have a moment.

ARCHIVIST

_(flatly)_ Shut the door on your way out, Tim.

TIM

_(brightly)_ Right you are, boss! Juuuust going to leave this here on your desk. Bring it back whenever you’re done!

[PAPERS RUSTLE AS SOMETHING IS PLACED ON THE DESK]

ARCHIVIST

_(dryly)_ I’m fairly certain that _I’m_ the one who assigns _you_ tasks to complete, Tim.

TIM

That you do! I guess I better get back to them then. Have fun!

ARCHIVIST

_(firmly)_ Tim—

[DOOR CLOSES]

[HE SIGHS]

ARCHIVIST

Right. Well, given that this recording is essentially _useless_ now and I hadn’t even _gotten_ to the statement, I may as well start over. _(mutters under his breath)_ Bloody waste of tape and my time—

[CLICK]

* * *

[CLICK]

[PAPERS RUSTLE. FOR A MOMENT, THERE IS ONLY THE SOUND OF BREATHING. THEN, JON SIGHS.]

ARCHIVIST

Before I begin, I would like to make it very clear that this is _not_ an appropriate use of working hours or the tape recorders, which should be used for statements that won’t record digitally as per Elias’s request.

…

That being said, I am… not _entirely_ opposed to this project. So, I suppose…

[HE CLEARS HIS THROAT]

Statement of Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London, regarding… regarding a black ring worn on the middle finger of his right hand. Statement recorded by subject, June 10th, 2016.

Statement begins.

ARCHIVIST (STATEMENT)

I’ve often been told that I am not a very open person. I don’t necessarily intend to be closed-off, but I’ve also never found the need to disclose every aspect of my personal life to everyone I come into contact with. And yes, Tim—because I trust that you and you _alone_ will be listening to this tape—that _is_ a perfectly respectable way to live one’s life. Not everyone needs to know what I ate for breakfast that morning or who my favorite primary school teacher was.

…

I… will admit, though, that in certain circumstances, I… could probably stand to be more transparent regarding aspects of my personal life. Perhaps that’s why Georgie bought me the ring.

It wasn’t a special occasion. She just brought it back from the shop one day, a few weeks after a… particularly _illuminating_ conversation about certain sexual identities, and dropped it atop my copy of _Wuthering Heights._ Honestly, I had no idea what it was at first. I- _(heh)_ I tried to make a joke about _unorthodox proposals_ , but I- I don’t really think it landed. Georgie just looked at me and said that she’d seen it on one of the online forums, that it was called an ace ring, and that she thought I might like it. I think I was more surprised about the fact that the ring fit perfectly than at the fact that she’d bought me the ring in the first place.

So I wore it. And it felt… nice. Understand, I don’t keep quiet about my romantic and sexual identities out of shame or embarrassment or indecision; I simply don’t feel the need to announce them at any given moment. So I’ve always been fond of small things—pins and stickers and such—that I can incorporate into my life, insignificant enough that they aren’t readily apparent to anyone but me, as they’re for _me_ more than for anyone else. My ring is one such thing.

[THERE IS A MOMENT OF SILENCE. MORE WORDS SIT IN THE AIR, WAITING. EVENTUALLY, HOWEVER, HE SIGHS, AND THE WORDS REMAIN UNSAID.]

ARCHIVIST

Statement ends.

…

Right.

_(with something that might be a smile)_ As for your other request, I do have a prior engagement with Georgie and Melanie this weekend. Though if you’re willing to accommodate two more, I’m sure they wouldn’t be opposed to coming along. Georgie’s always telling me that Pride is more fun when you’re with a group, after all.

End recording.

[CLICK]

**Author's Note:**

> cw:
> 
> \- referenced biphobia (wrt tim's statement)  
> \- mild arophobia (wrt martin's and sasha's statements)  
> \- past sexual relationship (wrt sasha's statement)
> 
> comments and kudos make my day! if you liked what you read, let me know 💛
> 
> find me on tumblr [@bluejayblueskies](https://bluejayblueskies.tumblr.com/)


End file.
